I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
