So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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