I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
