3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
