A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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