i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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