She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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