You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
