i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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