So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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