This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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