but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
