I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
