whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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