I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
