Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
