I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
