I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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