Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
