ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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