Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
