I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
