At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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