On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
