I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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