Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
