idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
