i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
