i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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