smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
