I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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