Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
