If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
