it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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