ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
