Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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