You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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