I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
