im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
