Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
