Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
