Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
