I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
