I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
