I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
