I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
