...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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