I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
