i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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