Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
