she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
