She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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