"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
