Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
