im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
