plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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