It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
