did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
