I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
