He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
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You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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