When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
As shirtless as possible
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
