New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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