I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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