You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
