I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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