her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
