I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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