Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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