I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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