no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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